Happy Birthday Babby Boy

I never dreamed about becoming a mom.  I actually was really terrified my whole life of having the responsibility of a little life placed in my hands to raise.  Up until the day Carter was born, even minuets before I was terrified! I had anxiety months before he came, but I wouldn't change anything for the world! This little boy has brought me so much joy and so much fear at the same time.  This boy is fearless! He started walking at 9 1/2 months and has been on the move ever since.  He is non stop into everything!!!! Although I am ready for a bigger place, having a one bedroom apartment has been great at keeping him where I can see him at all times! It has been fun watching him grow up this past year, a little sad, but fun. 

Being so far away from family has been a little rough and made us keep his first birthday small.  We had a few families over to swim and did a BBQ.  I made a couple nautical decorations, which that right there was something I never thought I would do.  Carter had a bad first birthday party.  He tripped and fell twice, the first time giving him a bloody nose and a cut lip.  The second time he tripped and fell again, he is now starting to run, and smacked his forehead on the ground giving him a huge goose egg on his head.  He cried a little then was good and on his way to see what else he could destroy.  I have discovered Carter has a hard head and is one tough little boy.

Carter is the spitting image of Justin, everyone points that out everywhere we go, but personality wise is all me.  He is stubborn and silly and determined.  I am just praying he doesn't get Justin's brains other wise we might have a mad genius on our hands. Some days I cry to Justin saying I am a horrible mother, and other days I am ready to be done being a mother. But when the day is all over and Carter is asleep in bed a part of me just wants to snuggle with him.  I have enjoyed motherhood with all it's ups and downs.  It may have frighten me before, and it still does but this little boy has my heart and will always be my baby.  I told Justin one night that the good thing with boys is they always have a place in their heart for their mother.